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Ella's Story...

2/23/2016

35 Comments

 
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I posted a blog in December which highlighted the growing bond between my  daughter and our 10 month old labrador, Reggie. The blog received an overwhelming response and your lovely messages gave us hope and strength towards Ella's recovery. Being able to open up and share your struggles is a big part of the recovery process and we're so relieved and happy that she is progressing well.  Reggie is still  playing a big part in the healing process. He loves his cuddles with Ella and we have recently been out enjoying gun dog training which is something we haven't been able to do in the last year with Ella.

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As it is National Eating Disorders Awareness week Ella wanted to highlight the seriousness of eating disorders. I hope my readers don't mind and I have let her use my gun dog blog as a platform to send a message....

"Starving the body is a miserable existence and any young person suffering needs help and support as eating disorders can be hard to understand. Thankfully I'm recovering and my dark days are over and I'm able to fill my days with light and laughter again. I have a great support network which includes my family, friends and the Young Persons Eating Disorder Service. But there are young people out there who are suffering today and they don’t have the support which is vital for a full recovery. 


I believe my experience  is worth sharing with others. By reducing the stigma and educating people the illness can be beaten! So if you can spare a minute please read my story. It offers a  creative insight into how powerful Anorexia can be… "

My Monster…

By Ella Bardsley, age 13.

My weak  body trembled as motionless tears rolled down my bony cheeks. So many horrible thoughts screamed inside my confused head. I knew there was something wrong and my body told the story.... 
Six months of rest and all normality of teenage adventures gone from my life. Trapped in a confused maze of thoughts and loneliness. No-one could hear the voice of the monster which haunted me. I could feel its small scuttling legs digging into my shoulder. My rickety spine shivered every time I thought of it. The aroma of food drifting through the house triggered the monster to attack me. It locked onto my skinny, pale face. It created a web of demanding thoughts wrapping tightly around me. I struggled to detach its spiky legs which cradled my head. A sudden whisper of the creature glued to my ear repeating the same message again and again. The beast was taking control.  Somehow I had to find the strength to fight back. I wanted to stand up to it and win this battle. For my family and for me.
Months passed and visits from the monster were becoming more manageable. Until Halloween. My favourite night of the year but not this one. Friends came round dressed in spooky costumes with big grins on their painted faces. Noises of laughter and screams danced around the bonfire. Sparks drifting into the starry black sky. Tears of sadness flowed as I knew I couldn't join in. The monster wouldn't let me. I felt ashamed of myself for letting this happen to me. Slowly I picked up my sweet bag and headed for the door. I wanted so desperately to join in but the noise was screaming in my head. I could hear the tip toeing of legs getting louder. Suddenly, the monster was latched onto my skeletal chest sucking the life out of me. I could not take it anymore. Plummeting to the cold floor I waited to be bitten. All energy sucked away. My body felt hollow like a cardboard box. Dry and colourless. I could hear my heart thumping as loud as a drum. Laying in a defenceless trance I knew this could be the end but something stopped me from giving up. Closing my eyes I saw a vision of me…healthy, happy and laughing with my family. There was so much to live for and I wanted my life to be a story with a happy ending. I staggered outside and headed to the bonfire in the garden. With all my might I snatched the monster's prickly legs and swung it high into the blazing pit of flames. The heat devoured it.  The beast shattered into millions of pieces, my sadness and grief disappearing. I felt relief and hope flooding back into my heart.  I was finally free from my eating disorder monster.  My journey to recover was about to begin…

Thank you for  your time and reading my story. Ella Bardsley.

For further information on eating disorders please visit b-eat:

https://www.b-eat.co.uk/about-eating-disorders
35 Comments
Vikki Adamson
2/23/2016 07:22:41 pm

Massive hugs to u all. XxxxxxX

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Ella Bardsley
2/23/2016 08:02:47 pm

Hi Vikki, thank you for reading my story. Hope you and your family are well xxx

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Melissa Wallace
2/23/2016 07:25:05 pm

That was an amazing piece of writing Ella and must of taken much courage to write. You banished your demons and can now help others to banish theirs.
So happy for you and your family that you are well on your way to being happy and content with who you are.... a beautiful, intelligent young lady with a great future ahead.

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Ella Bardsley
2/23/2016 08:06:42 pm

Hi Mel, thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me and thanks for reading my story xx

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melissa wallace
2/23/2016 08:32:51 pm

You are welcome Ella.
I hope you have an amazing time skiing in March with lots of fun filled memories to treasure forever......Maisie recommends taking some disposable cameras......so tell mum Argos had a good deal on fujifilm disposable cameras, good price :) xx

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Caro Dell
2/23/2016 08:10:29 pm

Ella you an amazing young lady. An inspiration to us all. A very moving piece, I wish you love and happiness throughout your life.

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Ella Bardsley
2/23/2016 09:43:38 pm

Thank you Caro for reading my story. Love Ella x

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Carol Rivers link
2/23/2016 08:16:53 pm

What a wonderful inspiration you are, Ella. I am so proud of you and the help you will have given others with your story and life experience. Keep up with your descriptive and breathtakingly beautiful writing. A gift that has truly embodied your journey to be free from the "eating disorder monster". With all my love and admiration, Grandma xx

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Ella Bardsley
2/23/2016 09:45:20 pm

Thank you Grandma for your love and support. You are my inspiration! Love Ella xx

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Rachel Cowdrill
2/23/2016 08:25:34 pm

Ella, we love you and are so proud of how well you are doing, a great battle fought and an inspiration to help others too. Xx

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Ella Bardsley
2/23/2016 09:46:35 pm

Thank you Rachel for your love and always being there for me. Love Ella xx

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Amanda Williams link
2/23/2016 08:27:30 pm

A very open and honest account which will surely be such a help and inspiration to others. Well done. xx

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Ella Bardsley
2/23/2016 09:51:44 pm

Thank you for taking the time to read my story Amanda. Love Ella xx

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Ellie Pike
2/23/2016 08:40:01 pm

Ella; you're doing so well and this really highlights the positives. I'm sorry I won't see you at the next family therapy session, but we will all have to meet up for a Starbucks again soon.

Lots of love xx

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Ella Bardsley
2/23/2016 09:55:39 pm

It won't be the same without you there! Thank you for reading my story and I hope you have a fab trip to London. See you soon for a catch up. Love Ella xx

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Grandad
2/23/2016 08:41:17 pm

You are so brave in destroying your monster, and even more brave to tell your story. It will be so helpful to others caught in the same web.
xxx

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Ella Bardsley
2/23/2016 09:56:44 pm

Thank you Grandad for your love and support. Always there for me. Love Ella xx

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Gaby
2/23/2016 09:08:01 pm

Wow Ella that was an amazing piece of writing and so very brave of you to share your journey - keep well x

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Ella Bardsley
2/23/2016 09:58:22 pm

Thank you Gaby for taking the time to read my story. Love Ella xx

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Gill Symonds
2/23/2016 10:00:55 pm

Hello Ella you don't know me but I used to work with your mum. Well done Ella, what an honest account of your struggles, keep well, stay strong and enjoy life to the full.

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Ella Bardsley
2/24/2016 09:25:45 pm

Thank you Gill for reading my story, mum says hi! Love ella xx

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Melody snook
2/23/2016 10:01:17 pm

Hi Ella, love you so much. You are one of my bestest friends and it must of taken a lot of courage to of written that and as I'm reading my eyes are tearing. Xxxxxx

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Josie
2/23/2016 10:27:20 pm

I'm speechless Ella! You have writing skills I could only dream of. I literally felt your pain reading that, you have an amazing talent! Don't stop writing! All our live as always :-) Josie, Lily and Eva xxxxxx

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Ella Bardsley
2/24/2016 09:30:04 pm

Aww thank you so much Josie,love you all from Ella xxx

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Ur bestie
2/24/2016 07:35:34 am

Hiiiiiiiiii I'm always here for just like the gurlies said we all here for u and come to us when ever u need to xxxxx we luv u loads xxx😘😘😘😘

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Sarah Gulledge
2/24/2016 07:38:41 pm

What a beautiful piece of writing Ella! You are a truly remarkable person and it is wonderful to have you back at school :)

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Ella Bardsley
2/24/2016 09:35:28 pm

Thank you so much Miss Gulledge for your kind words. From Ella :)

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Lisa Bardsley
2/25/2016 06:30:58 pm

Ella you have used your gift of writing to beautifully express your private anguish and recovery. You are very special in wanting to share your story, it will help others.
You may like this song which has been a help to others with an eating disorder https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CyBNcUj0yo
Come to visit me soon. All my love Lisa xxx

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Ella Bardsley
2/26/2016 07:23:50 pm

Thank you for reading my story Lisa. I love the song! Hope to see you soon. Love Ella xx

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Jo Carter
2/26/2016 05:09:19 pm

I read your story and Im really proud of you. Your a very talented young girl. See you soon

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Ella Bardsley
2/26/2016 07:25:07 pm

Thank you for reading my story Jo. Love Ella xx

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Vicki & Terry
2/27/2016 03:30:58 pm

Ella we are so proud of you and your talent for writing a heartfelt and influential story, you will inspire and connect with sssooo many people. Keep that beautiful smile and cheeky nature, we hope to see you soon, love you heaps and heaps. The world is your oyster...go grab it with both hands, much love and hugs, Vicki & Terry xxxxxxxxx

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Ella Bardsley
2/28/2016 09:51:20 am

Hi Vicki and Terry, thank you so much for your message and reading my story. Love Ella xx

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Jordan
3/3/2016 10:47:57 pm

I couldn't be prouder of how far you've come, your such an inspirational, beautiful young lady and I hope everyday your reminded of that! I couldn't be more thankful for meeting somebody as special as you and your family, keep up the amazing work gorgeous and I am there for you every step of the way, for now and always! Love you millions xxxxxx

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Ella Bardsley
3/8/2016 08:41:39 pm

Thank you so much for your lovely message Jordan and thank you for always being there. Love Ella xx

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