I posted a blog in December which highlighted the growing bond between my daughter and our 10 month old labrador, Reggie. The blog received an overwhelming response and your lovely messages gave us hope and strength towards Ella's recovery. Being able to open up and share your struggles is a big part of the recovery process and we're so relieved and happy that she is progressing well. Reggie is still playing a big part in the healing process. He loves his cuddles with Ella and we have recently been out enjoying gun dog training which is something we haven't been able to do in the last year with Ella.
As it is National Eating Disorders Awareness week Ella wanted to highlight the seriousness of eating disorders. I hope my readers don't mind and I have let her use my gun dog blog as a platform to send a message....
"Starving the body is a miserable existence and any young person suffering needs help and support as eating disorders can be hard to understand. Thankfully I'm recovering and my dark days are over and I'm able to fill my days with light and laughter again. I have a great support network which includes my family, friends and the Young Persons Eating Disorder Service. But there are young people out there who are suffering today and they don’t have the support which is vital for a full recovery.
I believe my experience is worth sharing with others. By reducing the stigma and educating people the illness can be beaten! So if you can spare a minute please read my story. It offers a creative insight into how powerful Anorexia can be… "
My Monster…
By Ella Bardsley, age 13.
My weak body trembled as motionless tears rolled down my bony cheeks. So many horrible thoughts screamed inside my confused head. I knew there was something wrong and my body told the story....
Six months of rest and all normality of teenage adventures gone from my life. Trapped in a confused maze of thoughts and loneliness. No-one could hear the voice of the monster which haunted me. I could feel its small scuttling legs digging into my shoulder. My rickety spine shivered every time I thought of it. The aroma of food drifting through the house triggered the monster to attack me. It locked onto my skinny, pale face. It created a web of demanding thoughts wrapping tightly around me. I struggled to detach its spiky legs which cradled my head. A sudden whisper of the creature glued to my ear repeating the same message again and again. The beast was taking control. Somehow I had to find the strength to fight back. I wanted to stand up to it and win this battle. For my family and for me.
Months passed and visits from the monster were becoming more manageable. Until Halloween. My favourite night of the year but not this one. Friends came round dressed in spooky costumes with big grins on their painted faces. Noises of laughter and screams danced around the bonfire. Sparks drifting into the starry black sky. Tears of sadness flowed as I knew I couldn't join in. The monster wouldn't let me. I felt ashamed of myself for letting this happen to me. Slowly I picked up my sweet bag and headed for the door. I wanted so desperately to join in but the noise was screaming in my head. I could hear the tip toeing of legs getting louder. Suddenly, the monster was latched onto my skeletal chest sucking the life out of me. I could not take it anymore. Plummeting to the cold floor I waited to be bitten. All energy sucked away. My body felt hollow like a cardboard box. Dry and colourless. I could hear my heart thumping as loud as a drum. Laying in a defenceless trance I knew this could be the end but something stopped me from giving up. Closing my eyes I saw a vision of me…healthy, happy and laughing with my family. There was so much to live for and I wanted my life to be a story with a happy ending. I staggered outside and headed to the bonfire in the garden. With all my might I snatched the monster's prickly legs and swung it high into the blazing pit of flames. The heat devoured it. The beast shattered into millions of pieces, my sadness and grief disappearing. I felt relief and hope flooding back into my heart. I was finally free from my eating disorder monster. My journey to recover was about to begin…
Thank you for your time and reading my story. Ella Bardsley.
"Starving the body is a miserable existence and any young person suffering needs help and support as eating disorders can be hard to understand. Thankfully I'm recovering and my dark days are over and I'm able to fill my days with light and laughter again. I have a great support network which includes my family, friends and the Young Persons Eating Disorder Service. But there are young people out there who are suffering today and they don’t have the support which is vital for a full recovery.
I believe my experience is worth sharing with others. By reducing the stigma and educating people the illness can be beaten! So if you can spare a minute please read my story. It offers a creative insight into how powerful Anorexia can be… "
My Monster…
By Ella Bardsley, age 13.
My weak body trembled as motionless tears rolled down my bony cheeks. So many horrible thoughts screamed inside my confused head. I knew there was something wrong and my body told the story....
Six months of rest and all normality of teenage adventures gone from my life. Trapped in a confused maze of thoughts and loneliness. No-one could hear the voice of the monster which haunted me. I could feel its small scuttling legs digging into my shoulder. My rickety spine shivered every time I thought of it. The aroma of food drifting through the house triggered the monster to attack me. It locked onto my skinny, pale face. It created a web of demanding thoughts wrapping tightly around me. I struggled to detach its spiky legs which cradled my head. A sudden whisper of the creature glued to my ear repeating the same message again and again. The beast was taking control. Somehow I had to find the strength to fight back. I wanted to stand up to it and win this battle. For my family and for me.
Months passed and visits from the monster were becoming more manageable. Until Halloween. My favourite night of the year but not this one. Friends came round dressed in spooky costumes with big grins on their painted faces. Noises of laughter and screams danced around the bonfire. Sparks drifting into the starry black sky. Tears of sadness flowed as I knew I couldn't join in. The monster wouldn't let me. I felt ashamed of myself for letting this happen to me. Slowly I picked up my sweet bag and headed for the door. I wanted so desperately to join in but the noise was screaming in my head. I could hear the tip toeing of legs getting louder. Suddenly, the monster was latched onto my skeletal chest sucking the life out of me. I could not take it anymore. Plummeting to the cold floor I waited to be bitten. All energy sucked away. My body felt hollow like a cardboard box. Dry and colourless. I could hear my heart thumping as loud as a drum. Laying in a defenceless trance I knew this could be the end but something stopped me from giving up. Closing my eyes I saw a vision of me…healthy, happy and laughing with my family. There was so much to live for and I wanted my life to be a story with a happy ending. I staggered outside and headed to the bonfire in the garden. With all my might I snatched the monster's prickly legs and swung it high into the blazing pit of flames. The heat devoured it. The beast shattered into millions of pieces, my sadness and grief disappearing. I felt relief and hope flooding back into my heart. I was finally free from my eating disorder monster. My journey to recover was about to begin…
Thank you for your time and reading my story. Ella Bardsley.
For further information on eating disorders please visit b-eat:
https://www.b-eat.co.uk/about-eating-disorders
https://www.b-eat.co.uk/about-eating-disorders
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